So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
