I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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