Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
