Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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