It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
