Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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