but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
