i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
