so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
