I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
