My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
