Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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