and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
