There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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