eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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