I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This toilet bowl is my home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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