also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did i walk over a car last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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