Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
