I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
40s are totally the cure
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
