dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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