I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
