why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
