I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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