the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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