I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
