your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need help removing her.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
