making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
