I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
People in love make me want to vomit
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
