i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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