So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
