I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
