I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
