Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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