i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
