I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
