just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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