Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
