The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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