Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
