Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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