What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
