I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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