If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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