Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
