just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
