If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
