He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
