i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was confusing and full of hummus
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
