How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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