I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
