so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize