Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
